last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
