it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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