My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
