I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
