you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
