My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
