I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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