What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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