Don't you send me to vm
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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