that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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