he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
