Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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