I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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