there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
