i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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