My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
