Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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