How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
