The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
