we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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