The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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