I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
