In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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