Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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