He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
