sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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