just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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