I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
