If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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