I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
