I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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