Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
