Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
