Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
