He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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