it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
