just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
