You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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