Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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