yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
