They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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