hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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