I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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