OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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