I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im part way to drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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