Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
