Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
