he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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