paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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