You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
