Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
