my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
