I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
