I think im going to throw up on grandma
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
