it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
