The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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