Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
