im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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