she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize