positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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