she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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