If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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