no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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