I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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