Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
