I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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