Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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