So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
