Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
