my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
